ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
