well I can't set my house on fire every night
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
