You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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