You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
