these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
