I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize