Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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