I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
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