I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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