she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
