Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My ass is underappreciated
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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