At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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