You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
