You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
