The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
