Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize