I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
