Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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