so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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