Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
