its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
