i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
