Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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