I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well I just put wine in my tea
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
