Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
