What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize