I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
