one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Alive.
So much puke
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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