Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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