and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
