Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
