There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
