Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
