Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
