if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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