I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
