the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
