i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
