Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
