hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
