I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize