I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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