Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize