ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
