I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My underwear smells like fireworks.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
