Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
