So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
