I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
