i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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