I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
