I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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