tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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