Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
