Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
