i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
