Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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