Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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