We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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