I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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