can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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