I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
