i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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