I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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