Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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