I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Come on in and take your pants off
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