It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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