yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
