Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
