and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
