the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
