what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Send help, water and tortillas.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
