i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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