cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
me + whiskey = a bad person
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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