The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
