Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize