Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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