pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
