i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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