I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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