I got chris browned last night
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
