your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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