This house was built for laser tag.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
