All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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