I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
