Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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