Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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