Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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