it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They took my balls.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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