I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
