Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
