I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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