Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
