I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it because I queefed?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
