3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
