dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
