i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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