i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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