i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
