I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize