Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
