If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize