i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
