so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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