I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have fence marks all over my body
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
