my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
